Stressful Times

I just had the following text conversation with my sister:

D (my sister):OMG! Why did Dace (my nephew) throw a huge tantrum outside. I mean huge bigger than normal. I swear...

Me: Why? What happened?

D: Nothing. He started whining then screaming at the top of his lungs and I mean screaming. He then started to pinch and bite me. I am so pissed

Me: Oh wow.

D:Worse than ever. never like that before

Me: Oh boy. I wonder whats up with him

D:I don't know but I am at the end of my rope-seriously. I can't do it any longer.

Me: Yes you can. When is the therapist coming?

I should probably mention that my nephew is autistic. He was diagnosed with ASD around 3 1/2 years ago. He's 5 now. He doesn't speak so he can't express himself. He knows how to show you want he wants but you'll never know if something is hurting him. We have to check him daily to see if he has any cuts or bruises. The other day we noticed he had something wrong with his foot. We had to take him to the doctor and get him some cream. We don't know long it was bothering him for.

It can get stressful sometimes. Especially when he throws one of his tantrums. He's a skinny little kid but he's strong. When he grabs hold of you, you forget that he's only five. Sometimes you can tell why he's upset but more recently he has been throwing tantrums out of the blue. One minute he's happy and jumping around and the next he's crying and screaming. It can be tough sometimes, because you don't know what's the matter. He can't tell you and that stresses him out, so he gets upset, then you get upset. He has this thing where he will get right in your face and scream loudly.

I can see it has taken its toll on my sister and her fiance. It's like you know its not his fault but sometimes you get upset with him. Then you feel bad for getting upset. Like right now she is at home crying and I don't know what to say to her. I love my nephew but his tantrums can be a bit much sometimes. I understand where they are coming from. And my sister gets so guilty sometimes that she just shuts off. I tell her it's not her fault, it's not something you can stop. It happens and you have to learn to deal with it. And she was. She went to meetings with other parents, she even spoke at a convention. She did her research and knows all there is to know about his condition. Anytime there is a documentary regarding autism we all watch it. But I think the recent decline in his behaviour has surprised her. Something has changed and I don't know what it is. Even his school has commented on it.

Apparently the therapist is coming to the house tomorrow to speak with my sister, so hopefully she will be able to help everyone cope a bit better. Maybe she can shed some light on what's going on with Dace, maybe point out some triggers for his behaviour. Maybe there is something we are doing that is hindering his progress or something. Hopefully this meeting will be productive.

*UPDATE* - while writing this I got the following text from my sister:

D: Thanks for the support because I am near committing suicide! That is no lie.

Lord give me strength!!!

Random Rubbish

I still haven't gone to see Hancock yet. My sister was supposed to go with me but her friend was having some problems so she was helping her out. I understand that. I will just have to go by myself before i have to wait for it to come out on DVD.

My sister can't have her eye surgery because her cornea is too thin. She was so disappointed. I know she was really looking forward to it because she was so tired of wearing her glasses. Oh well, she will just have to get used to it.

The weather has been really hot lately. I hate it. I know that sounds strange coming from a Miami girl but at least in Miami we had air conditioning. England acts like it never heard of it. My office building doesn't have any air con so it is ridiculously hot in here. This stupid fan is just blowing hot air in my face. I have got the deepest tan. My arms and face don't match the rest of my body. I hate being hot and sweaty........for no good reason anyway.

I am taking a well deserved week off from work next week. I wish I was going on holiday, but oh well. Now all I have to do is convince someone to take Meems to school in the morning so I can have a lie in. Well one of them will have to do it anyway, because I'm gonna have to be looking after my nephew. He's on summer holiday from school, and I know that they are gonna want me to look after him, which I don't mind. But it will be too much to get him and Meems ready to leave at 7:30 and travel on two buses.

I think it may be time to start potty training Meems. She doesn't seem to like nappies anymore. Or maybe it's just the hot weather that has her stripping all the time. But she'll be two in a couple months, I think it's time. Anyone have any pointers?

While my mum has been away, my cousin has been staying at her flat. Why? I don't know. Something about her having to give up her place. I didn't really care. So anyway she's been there, and she has rearranged my mums whole kitchen. My mum can be very anal sometimes, especially when it comes to her kitchen and foodstuff. It's not like she just neatened everything up. She reorganised the cupboards. Nothing is where my mum had it. The plates are in a complete different place. My mum had her baking stuff in a particular cupboard but she's moved all that. When I saw it I laughed because I know my mum was gonna go mental on her. Oh well, that's what you get for letting people stay in your house.

Life Is A Bitch!

Life can be hard sometimes. It's not always fair and you don't always get what you want.

I complain quite a lot. I complain about my shady family, my job, the English weather. And although I know my life could be alot worse, I still complain. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful for the things I do have in my life, but I don't celebrate them very much. I don't talk about the things that are going right in my life or the good things/people in my life.

Why am I thinking of this all of a sudden? I just found out that a guy I used to know in high school hung himself because his life was hard and he couldn't handle it anymore. I mean I haven't spoken to or seen him in 7 years, but when I heard it I started tearing up. If I wasn't at work, I'd have probably burst into tears. I know he had a 7 year old son with one of my friends. She's the one who told me what happened. I can't imagine what they must be going through. How do you explain something like that to your child?

I thought about committing suicide before. My life was really messed up at that point (or so I thought). My debt situation was getting out of control and I was getting evicted from my flat. I just felt like I couldn't do anything right. I felt like a failure. I felt I had failed my daughter (yeah that's how recent it was, Meems will be two in Sep). What kind of mother was I, when I couldn't even keep a roof over her head? With all this mounting debt, how was I going to support her? I just felt like everyone would be better off without me. Because I'm such a secretive person, my family didn't know how much debt I was in (Although, I've cleared most of it now, they still don't know). I felt like if I told them, they would think I was a failure too. They already treated me like I was stupid. I didn't want to add fuel to their fire. I really didn't think my life was gonna get any better. Maybe if I had opened up and talked to someone, then I wouldn't have felt like I was in it all on my own. But at that time, that's exactly how I felt.

I'm really glad that I didn't go through with my thoughts. I'm glad that I realised what I did have in my life (and it wasn't much). And I know that it could have only been the grace of God that saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life. And I am eternally grateful for that. Now sometimes when I look at Meems, I want to cry because I'm ashamed that I even considered leaving her behind. I think of all the changes she's gone through and am glad I am here to see them.

I'll probably never stop complaining and that's fine. But I want to at least put the same amount of energy if not more into celebrating the good things in life. Because no matter how bad I feel my life is, there is someone out there far worse off than me.

R.I.P. - D. you are sure to be missed.

Random Rubbish From This Weekend

I did absolutely nothing of interest this weekend.

My sister made me promise that we would go and see Hancock together, but she is taking forever. We were supposed to go since two weekends ago but she always had something else to do. She says we'll go this Friday, if we don't I'm going by myself. By the time she's ready to go, it won't be in the cinema anymore.

I went shopping on Saturday. Not for myself but for my little rugrat. She needed new trainers. I got her these cute blue and white (I am tired of pink). And my sister got her a pair of Black ones on Sunday. The black ones she'll wear to nursery because she destroys the white ones. When she went to school they were white, when she came home they were every colour but white. My fault I know for letting her go to school in them in the first place I've still got more shopping to do for her. She grows out of clothes so fast. Bloody kids are so expensive.

My sister has decided to get laser eye surgery. She had her consultation on Sunday and will have the surgery next Tuesday 29th July. I have considered having surgery but I'm just too chicken. I think I have grown attached to my glasses. I've had them since I was about 8 or 9yrs old. I think I hide behind them. I've worn them for so long i think I look odd without them. Everyone else thinks I look fine but I don't agree. I tried contacts once but didn't like them. And when I had them on, I kept reaching for my glasses.

I finally got my phone back on Saturday as well. I was so happy to have it back. I didn't think I was that attached to it, but I am. And I don't even use my phone that much. I hardly ever call people unless I have to. I'm not really a big talker on the phone. I couldn't wait to get home and charge it cheeky buggers returned my phone with a dead battery.

I found out my cousin is staying at my mum's place while she's away. My mum must have given her a key. I'm not getting into the middle of their business. All I know is one minute my mum is cussing the girl, accusing her of doing all sorts of unsavoury things and the next they are best friends. Oh well, at least i don't have to go over there to check on the place anymore.


Wow my life is absolutely boring!!! I really need to get out more.

Random Rubbish

• Around 600,000 council workers (teachers, binmen, care workers etc.) are going on strike today and tomorrow. As usual they are fighting over pay rises. I don't really blame them, because if I were in their shoes, I'd be protesting as well. Quite a lot of them are only earning £6.50 an hour. Although I don't blame them for wanting more money, it sure as hell is frustrating when they strike. My nephews school is on strike so my sister has to stay home with him. Rubbish collections are going to be delayed, that's more stank ass garbage stuck in my back garden. Hopefully the government will wise up and pay these people their money. They complain about not having enough teachers. If you paid them properly in the first place then there would be more applicants.

• So if you get banned from athletics for two years because you took steroids and that subsequently got you banned for life from ever competing in the Olympics, what makes you so special that the law should be overturned to let you compete in Beijing? Hell they won't even let Lin.ford Chris.tie anywhere near the Olympic villages much less track side, and his ban was back in '99 and you want to compete?

• My sister has been over at my mums quite alot since she's been away. My mum usually looked after my nephew when he finishes school, so the school bus would drop him off at her house. Since she's away, my sister goes over there to meet him when he gets dropped off. Now I know all about my mum's shady dealings and stuff, but my sister doesn't. So my mum has a loan out with these doorstop loan companies. You know the ones that will lend money to anyone, then charge your ass ridiculous interest rates. Anyway she didn't tell these people that she was going away, so on the past two occasions when they've gone over there to collect her weekly repayments, no one has been in. So they left a card, with a pissed off message. So my sister sees this and immediately calls me. I tell her I know about the company and that I will call them to let them know that mum is away. My sister was getting all heated, I'm like it has nothing to do with you and no one is calling you asking you to pay her bills or anything. But my mum would do some shit like that. Just leave and not even tell the people so. She better be careful, these people can get ugly when you fuck with their money.

• My brand new phone, the one I got at the end of May, is faulty. The damn thing would come up with a "cannot connect to server" message and then turn itself off. I had to finally take it to the shop and they had to send it off to get repaired. I am so upset. i miss my phone. Now I'm stuck using my old one but it feels so weird in my hands. I had gotten so used to the other one, now I keep mixing up the buttons on the old one. I had to type a text to my sister three times, because I kept hitting the back key instead of continue. I really want my phone back soon.

TMI Tuesday - Skool Daze Edition

1. What were you known as in HS (Jock, Princess, Geek)
I was the geek everyone came to when they wanted to copy homework or get notes from.

2. What were you really?
I really was a geek. But I was a cool geek. I had a lot of friends, almost everyone knew me. I was also a huge flirt maybe that's why so many people knew me.

3. If you could go back and tell your 16 year old self one thing, what would it be?
I'd tell myself to enjoy every moment of high school because it goes by quickly.

4. If you could erase one moment from your school days what would it be?
Getting arrested for skipping school. Other than that I was a good kid.

5. Who did you not date (or more) that you wish you did?
I had this one friend named Conrad, I had a little crush on him. I had a boyfriend at the time and we were friends and I didn't wanna mess it up. We met up again recently on My.space and he told me he had a crush on me throughout high school. Why the hell didn't he tell me this back then?


Bonus (as in optional): If you went to prom, describe your outfit.
My prom dress was great. I was hella skinny back then. It was a pale blue colour. It had a long skirt with a high ass split up the side. The top was strapless and laced up in the back, and it had lots of sequins. I had my nails and toes painted to match the dress and silver shoes. I missed a good part of my prom because my date was late. I could have killed him. I had fun though. I actually still have the dress.

Children

Children can be so entertaining sometimes. Take Meems for example, everyday on our way to school, she has to strike up a conversation with someone on the bus. This morning it was a nice older lady who was sitting next to us. Meems actually jumped put of my arms and went to sit on the woman's lap. She sat there until the woman got off the bus. She sang songs with her and looked at pictures of the lady's grandchildren.

Meems is actually quite famous on our bus route. Because we catch the bus at a certain time every morning, we sometimes run into the same people and everyone remembers Meems. One woman remembered her from when Meems was chatting to her last week and was telling her friend about her.

She's a really friendly kid. But there are times where she does lash out at people. Like if she wants to sit in the seat and I move her so that someone else can sit down. She will actually get mad and tell that person "No!!" and complain that they are in her seat. Overall, she is pure entertainment. She definitely makes the commute more enjoyable.

I know that soon enough, I'll have to teach her the importance of not talking to strangers and going off with people she doesn't know. But right now, I'll let her enjoy her innocence while it lasts. They really do grow up fast.

7 Song Tag

I did this tag because second sixty eight threatened me I had nothing else to do.

I'm too lazy too busy to go and copy the rules, so here's the B-n-T version: List 7 songs that you are listening to right now. They can be from any genre, could be instrumentals, anything. Got it? Good.

1. I Wanna Be - Chris Brown
2. Moving Mountains - Usher
3. Wonder Woman - Trey Songz
4. Gotta Get You - Tyrese
5. Co-star - Day26
6. Be With Me - J. Holiday
7. Closer - Ne-Yo

I actually did this last week but forgot to post it. Oh well.

If you're looking for my TMI post it's below this one.

TMI Tuesday - Deadly Sins Edition

1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for?
Celebrity wise - Will Smith, there are a few others but Will is number one
In real life - There have been a few random strangers that I've seen that have had me daydreaming.

2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton?
Ice cream. I am addicted to ice cream. oh and chocolate.....cheesecake......damn I'm just a glutton for food in general.

3. GREED: What are you greedy for?
Love and attention. I'm being honest


4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth?
Some one looking after Meems for the day and me not having to do a thing. I'd probably sleep most of the day anyway. Then get someone to make me some food and watch movies until I fell asleep.

5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone.
Although I have a nasty temper, I haven't gotten into many physical altercations. There was one time I got into it with my mum and she attacked me and I had to push her off me. She fell and hit her head on the door. I did get into a fist fight with my sister years ago, she was asking for it though. Since then she knows not to mess with me.

6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why?
I envy people in loving committed relationships. Hopefully I'll have one of those in the future. When I was younger I used to envy my best friend, because of the close knit family she had. I envied the relationship she had with her parents. I wondered my parents weren't like that.

7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of?
I have to swallow my pride every day with my family. They always think they are right and instead of getting into it with them I just keep quiet and let them talk. I've had to swallow my pride a few times at work as well.

I am proud of the fact that I am still sane. With my family, I should have lost it a long time ago. I am proud of the fact that I have a beautiful but naughty daughter and have adapted to motherhood.

Happy Independence Day

Watch Funny Videos

To all my USA people - I hope you all have a great holiday weekend.

More Random Rubbish

Okay so I was all ready to watch the BET awards, I just wanted to see the performances. I really wanted to see C.hris B.rown/C.iara to see what all the hoopla was about. I didn't understand why we had to wait a whole week for them to show it here in the UK, but it aired last night. Everything was going fine and then they completely skipped over the damn performance I was waiting for. Some one screwed up the damn tape. One minute I was watching the tribute to Al G.reen and the next minute it switches to something else. I finally just gave up and went to bed.

My mum left for Barbados on Monday, and she hasn't even called to say she got there safe. I mean anything could have happened and we wouldn't know. But I'm not surprised because she was already in a strop before she left. It's not my fault my sister didn't give her all the money she wanted. And I didn't have it to give to her. Whenever she doesn't get her own way, she throws a tantrum. She's worst than Meems sometimes.

Speaking of Meems, I find it funny when she throws tantrums in public and people all turn around and look at me. What are you looking at? What do you want me to do, hold her down and cover her mouth? She's 21 months old, there isn't really much I can do. She knows what she's doing as well, because she only throws tantrums like that when we are in public. I just ignore her and let her scream till she's tired or realises this is getting her nowhere. I swear she started her terrible twos once she turned one.

I never did understand tennis. I never really had an interest it. It's just long and boring to me. But English people sure do get excited when Wimbledon starts. I actually went to Wimbledon once. Way back in 2001 when I first moved here. My sister's friend was working there and needed some help and I needed some money, so I went along. It was only for one day but I was bored outta my mind. And it was hot.

I've been on F.acebook for about 6 months now. I only went on there because my sister invited me and I found alot of my high school friends from Florida on there as well. But now it seems like random people just want me to add them as friends. I didn't think there were so many people with the same surname as me, but they all seem to be on f.acebook and they all want to be my friend. There is even a group for people with my surname, how crazy is that?

With all the ranting and raving I've been doing lately, I didn't even realise I went past my 100 post mark. I didn't think I would have that much to say.